a way we once were

I bring upon myself a different level of indifference. I move towards a different beat from the average man. I have a friend that follows me around and feels for me in the times that I fall on my face. His way of showing he cares is by pointing and laughing. He won't offer a hand to help. I have come to the realization in my life I am alone in the choices I make. I don't have a person to help with the most important aspects of life. I bring a different ryhme and reason for the insanity that folows me so closely. I bring forward a fast pick of faith on the emotion from the diffent aspects of twisted sorrows to bring you a level of substance misunderstood by the perspective of a witch hunt on the basic levels of emotions for which I have no control over. I think of reasons to move forward and to care for different things that should matter to the most feable of minds. I don't understand the misunderstood souls of so many that don't understand what it means to have what it takes to move forward. I realize that I don't know if i want to help these people in my life. I move with different feeligns of guilt and feelings of not knowing if it makes sense to move with these feelings. What are feelings are they real? The sinking feeling in your chest is a real feeling or is it just a mind blowing event that really is a figment of your imagination. You write a letter pouring you heart and sould and the feeling is there. You wonder how much of the basic decisions in life are based on a false emotion that leads you to believe that you will once again be the man in the black hat for one day. You will be that guy you alwasy wanted to be. The soul of life that brings forth the angst and ambition of many people. You move towards a feeling in your mind. it fades and dies like a light extinguished ever so carelessly. I pity you for feeling this way. I am on a tangent. its a line so thin and narrow that I'm not sure I will make it across. its a sanctimonious event brought upone by insecurites of a past fallout with a friend. you told him no and said you wouldn't speak to him again. False pretenses brought forward with the realization that you couldn't figure out that it was a game lost to the man in the black hat. I can't move forward. I don't have the feeling. Its gone...