A misconception of understanding

I look forward to the times that will become a gainful bliss emotionally and stagnantly. It makes me laugh and wonder if all that we come forth to appreciate is appreciated. with a base lump of unimaginable understanding fraught with pennies of bliss. I think I have come to the conclusion that so many people don't understand me. I don't understand myself. Its a rhyme less rhythm of mistakes and manageable faux pas that bring me to the realization that I don't have a clue really what I want. It comes from a hamsters mind that I not trust the wheel that I so have be come used to being part of my routine. I think of sorrows that i Laugh and spin in an interlude of mixed feelings that stain the fabric of my mind. I bring a laugh to some but to many I bring tears. I don't know if this was the reason for my bringing candles to a shower. I think the light would have brought my gloomy view to light with not so much as a voice of reason to turn around the uneasiness of longing. I don't think i truly understand the insatiable appetite of destruction. It feels good to bring down the walls that have surrounded my thoughts. I really wish I had the sledgehammer when the walls were in my way. I pushed through the caverns of darkness and pushed through to the other side. I brought about many feelings and conjured up memories long forgotten. I bring you a character with ill deceit and no feelings of pain or forgiveness to those that have hurt me most. I wander in the distance and in the pain of the rain coming down like a torrent of nails hindering my every move and sight. It doesn't make for much of a story if there is no pain. I don't know how to move into this new world. I am a lost soul moving endlessly through one piece of regret while the other piece of me is lost in a unmoving satisfaction. I think a loud and realize that the man in the black hat is staring me down. I gleefully look to him with no ounce of remorse. I look deeply into his eyes as he stares me down. I realize I have the upper hand in this situation. I realize that I have won the battle of words. I know that he has nothing on me today. There have not been many days that I could say I have the triumphed over the this man with a black hat. I polish off my apple jacks and drink the milky goodness that remains in my cereal bowl. I cherish these little moments and push past the cloud of self doubt and move towards that exist. The man in the black hat mutters under his breath that there will be a next time. I twist my entire body into his direction raise my index finger and look at him assertively. Today is my day you bastard. Today is mine.