Why I suck

Lets free verse a bit. I walk through a jungle of red teees and scarlet letter A’s I have a job that makes squirrels with big teeth think that there is no signs and red lights with no voice or reason that I cannot understand what is really going on. There are curly days and voices of no reason that I don’t understand what is going on. Kfc makes me want to hurl and I really cannot understand what is going on in my life at the moment. I really don’t want to understand I cannot understand why I hate my life so much and I don’t know what is going on in my little head of mine. Hmm.. what should I do what should I do. Should a cat have 9 lives and I have only 1. Is it really fair. I don’t think so. Okay so the news keeps going and I don’t know what the teleprompter is trying to say. Ha the man in the black hat is coming to get me. He finally has the upper hand in this story. It is going to be the end of me finally. The man in the black hat has a very boisterous voice he laughs out loud at me while I sit there and cry like a little girl who just figured out santa was a myth. The man in the black hat takes me aside and gives me a piece of paper with a letter on it. I can’t comprehend what he wants me to do with this piece of paper. It is adorned with a gold leaf. With the letter S. I wish I knew what to do. I am totally confused and clueless. I don’t know. But he looks at me and smiles with a crooked laugh and just smiles and chuckles to himself. So I punch him in the face and laugh to myself. I just signed my death wish! Oh well life goes on. With or without me. I come to a place in my life where I have realized I do not fit in. I am a total stranger among people who have known me for years. Its been a cruel joke to me. The kindness the money spent the days impressing nobody. That is the card handed to me.

I think I lost the free verse capability. Let’s see what I have! Okay there was a time and a place that I once had a black crinkle in my socks. I had a cat that used to break into peoples homes and make coffee for the poor children of sin city. Gambling is a Florence place of many distinguished homes of medium size and build. It is a place of infinite wisdom and a small dislike of grotesque statues of lamps and chairs that have no place in this world. Little chuck had a problem of slapping pigs with spider feet. It was a place where no world had a time clock and a rap sheet was a paper used to bring in geese to raise the small Michaels of the world that had no say with what the brake lamps of cars with pastels and terrible taste in socks and music of no avail. The head light shined me in the eyes and had no bearing on my life in and way shape or form. It was a terrible instance of mediocrity and a strange whisper of grey on top a shriveled speck of insanity in the clear blue seas of intelligence and determination. It is a exit of the wise to the masses of young and naïve fools and a shocking ray of defeat in the glimmer of hope and wonderment. It was a total excuse to be a fool. A situations which dictated boredom or demise in the eyes of total strangers. It is the effect of impotence, the calling card of the fool. The yell of the unfortunate soul tormented by the nagging of different individuals in a different time and decade all together. It was a joke. A total loss of words for the miserable pauper. The man with the defeated soul and intellect of a abandoned child that never knew the true meaning of life love or the feeling of a warm body next to him. He has no clue what that feeling is or what it entails. He craves it. Hopes for it. Yet when it comes close. He runs. What is he running from he has no idea. He believes he is saving himself for some higher calling.. some higher relationship. The perfect women. Ha that does not exist the other part of his mind is laughing at him. He has no clue. You have to people on your shoulder. Your conscience so to speak of. You have the guy the devil and the saint. They are supposed to tell you what is good and what is bad. They should help you make good decisions. The bad guy tempts you with doing wrong. In my case both are sitting at a bar saying screw that guy.. he’s an idiot. There is no helping him.. Story of my life. I am a fucked up person. No idea of how good I really have it. I’m clueless I tell you. I complete moron. Oh well. I will let some other sap believe that I have a clue.